


Knocking on Heaven's Door

by erza155



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Celestial Beings AU, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-11
Updated: 2017-12-10
Packaged: 2019-02-13 08:31:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12980163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erza155/pseuds/erza155
Summary: The love story of Clint and Bucky, messy human beings and messy celestial beings





	Knocking on Heaven's Door

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sealcat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sealcat/gifts).



Clint was cursed. He knew that it was technically impossible for angels to be cursed, but somehow in his nonexistent gut, he knew he was cursed. Otherwise, why would he have ended up in the matchmaking department with all the crazies. Seriously, though. Everyone in his department was a touchy-feely asshole who completely disregarded human free will and what actual emotions were. Half the time, he wished that his arrows still worked on people in his department, but after The Great Incident of forever ago, countermeasures were put in place.

“Hey, Pal,” Somebody from down below yelled to catch his attention. Normally, he wouldn’t have paid them any mind but this guy looked different from the rest. A lot more pissy to start with. Angels usually had this serene, stick shoved up their ass look about them, but this guy looked like he was ready for a fight at any moment. It probably wouldn’t do well to ignore him.

“What?” He yelled back down reluctantly.

“This tree’s already spoken for, asshole. Take your pity party somewhere else?” The guy below said tersely.

 “Asshole? Man fuck you. It’s a free afterlife. Find another tree.”

“No. Do you know how long it took me to find this exact tree, away from all the other trees with assholes in them?”

“No. and I don’t care. So, go away, Fake Cyborg.”

“What?! Hey, Asshole, you better get down from there before I shake you out.”

“I’d like to see you try,” Clint mumbled under his breath

“I heard that,” Fake Cyborg yelled back.

Clint swore inside his head. The afterlife was weird and he never knew what was going to pop up and try to fuck with him. Why was it that even in Death, and the Afterlife, he still couldn’t find peace?

“Look, man. It’s a tree. And I was here first. So, go away and come back later when I’ve vacated the premises.”

“I’m coming up there,” Fake Cyborg announced.

‘ _Like hell you are_ ,’ Clint thought. He pulled out his collapsible bow from where he had stored it in his pants, aimed at Fake Cyborg, and fired a warning shot.

“What. The Fuck.” Fake Cyborg sounded homicidal.

“There’s more where that came from,” Clint warned. He was in a fighting mood and he would take his chances.

The Fake Cyborg looked like he was inches away from committing unspeakable crimes, even by celestial being standards when a buff blond dude came running up to him.

“Buck are you picking a fight again?” The guy sounded exasperated as if this was a regular experience that he usually walked in on and it was more of a minor inconvenience than anything.

“Steve, this asshole’s in my tree and he keeps shooting arrows down at me whenever I try to remove him,” Fake Cyborg sounded… pouty? Instead of homicidal, which Clint had begun to think was his default setting.

“Have you thought about getting another tree?” Blond guy suggested like a rational being, and Clint was pressed to agree with him.

“Yeah, Fake Cyborg douche nozzle. There’s plenty more trees around.” He shouted down.

“Shut up you tree stealing asshole. No one asked for your opinion!” Fake Cyborg replied, sounding less homicidal, and more like a cranky grandpa.

“Buck, be nice.” Blond guy admonished. “Maybe he’d come down if you asked nicely.” He suggested.

“Fuck off,” was Fake Cyborg’s succinct response

“Now, how would your mother feel about that kind of language?” Blondie sounded kind of like a troll, despite his innocent looks.

“You know what? Just go away, Steve. I just want my tree back.”

“I will. As soon as you promise that you’re going to be nice about it.”

Fake Cyborg rolled his eyes. “Fine, I promise to be ‘nice’.” He said the word ‘nice’ with such heavy emphasis that even in his spot of the tree, Clint could hear the supposed quotation marks.

But it seemed that was enough for Blond guy because he turned away without another way and went back to where he came from. Fake Cyborg on the other hand turned to him.

“Ok, so I’m going to try again. And this time, I am going to be a somewhat decent person and you’re going to cooperate and we will resolve this and you will get out of my tree. Are we agreed?”

“Maybe,” Clint said mulishly. He was having a bad day and he was going to take it out on Fake Cyborg because it was just low key hilarious to him. The guy actually got frustrated, unlike the dicks in his department, so he was probably going to milk this for all it was worth.

“Are you… Are you serious?! Are you fucking kidding me?!” Fake cyborg sounded really angry and confused, and Clint felt a short burst of happiness at having evoked that reaction in the other angel but he should probably start to play along unless he wanted the guy to pull heavy artillery out of bumfuck nowhere and start shooting at him to get him down from the tree. It was entirely within the realm of possibility. Nat had done it to him before and it was… unpleasant.

“Sorry, Fake Cyborg dude. I’ve just been having a bad day, and you’re just a convenient person to take it out on.”

“Wow, you’re really messed up.” Bucky said feeling like the proverbial pot.

“I don’t wanna hear that from a guy who was ready to throw down for a fucking tree.”

“Valid point. So, now that we’ve established all of this, are you going to get out of my fucking tree?” Bucky should probably be nicer but this guy was kind of annoying and he really wanted his tree back.

“Dude, you seriously need to relax.”

Now that Bucky was less focused on performing threats of immediate violence against Tree Stealing Asshole’s person, he took some time to the study guy.

He was blonde and kind of buff but his clothes were weird, which wasn’t necessarily something to notice in their line of work, but his style was weird in its simplicity. He was dressed in a purple t-shirt and faded blue work jeans. He was barefoot, which was unusual in Bucky’s experience in the afterlife.

If the asshole hadn’t stolen his tree, Bucky probably wouldn’t have noticed him, but seeing as he had, Bucky had to figure some way of getting him out of the tree.

He took a deep breath. “Ok, so I understand you’re not having a good day. That’s fine. It happens to most of us. All of us to be exact. But to understand where you’re coming from I’m probably going to need to know a little more about you.”

“Oh yeah, like what?”

“Well first and foremost, your name and department would be helpful. That’s usually what most people start with when meeting for the first time anyway.” _‘And I can’t exactly keep calling you Tree Stealing Asshole in my head because it’s getting a bit too wordy for my inner monologue’_ Bucky thought privately to himself.

“Why don’t you start first?”

Bucky was going to strangle the damn shit. He was going to strangle him, hack his body into little pieces and scatter it across the universe. He let himself enjoy that train of thought for a quick moment before reeling it in and addressing the Tree Stealing Asshole.

“My name is James, but everyone calls me Bucky. I’m in the security department.”

“Oh, really? Cool! Which aspect though? Cause I wanted to get into that initially but the different factions were kind of weird and I didn’t want to deal with politics on top of angel duties and the whole being dead thing, you know?” Tree Stealing Asshole shrugged aimlessly.

“No,” Bucky answered shortly. “Also, you still haven’t told me your name and department.” He prompted.

“Right. I’m Clint, matchmaking department.”

“You’re a cupid?” Bucky asked incredulously.

Clint scowled. He hated that stupid generalization. “No, the fuck I am not. I am a matchmaking expert. I help souls find their other half. And yeah, sometimes I have to drug them with arrows, but that does not make me a cupid,” He snapped.

“You realize that your description didn’t help you that much when it came to distancing yourself from the whole cupid thing?”

“Ok, first off, fuck you. Second off, keep insulting me, and I’m never gonna come down from this tree, and if by some miracle that I do come down from it, I swear I’m going to come back with Holy Fire and burn it down out of spite.”

“Hey, it’s one thing to be a Tree Stealing Asshole, but burning down another man’s tree is grounds for war.”

Clint stared. Fake Cyborg, no, Bucky was staring at him impassively with an impressive poker face and Clint honestly couldn’t tell if he was joking or not.

Clint sighed. The day had started out sort of bad but now it had taken a turn for straight up weird and he didn’t know what to do about it.

“Look,” he directed to Bucky, “I’m not exactly having a good day, and this tree is one of the few places that I know that my department won’t come looking for me. So, if the tree means that much to you, we can share it ok?”

Bucky tilted his head, considering. “Fine, but just so we’re clear, this is still my tree.”

Clint rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah man. Tree’s all yours.”

Bucky started climbing up the tree until he reached the area where Clint was located. “So, why did you decide to steal my tree today?”

“I don’t think someone from the security department would be interested in a cupid had to say,” Clint said, poking at the fact that not too long ago Bucky had called him the one moniker he hated.

“Don’t be an asshole again. I’ll apologize for the cupid comment but come on, man. If we’re gonna be sharing this tree, we gotta at least be decent to each other. So, why don’t you try again, and tell me exactly what’s wrong. Because I know it wasn’t me. I’m a fucking delight to be around.”

Clint smirked. He didn’t even know the guy but he was willing to bet good money that most people didn’t agree with the guy’s statement.

“So, first things first,” Clint started, “You should know that the matchmaker department is, like, chock full of assholes. No joke. It only has room for so many more assholes and if any more show up, there’s going to be a massacre.”

Bucky snorted softly. “To be fair, most of your department is insane and you guys kinda have the worst job it is possible to have.”

Clint side eyed him. “First off, fuck you. Second off, fuck you twice. Third, my department isn’t that bad. We’re better than the Guidance assholes.”

“That’s not saying much,” Bucky pointed out. Everyone knew that the Guidance department was full of certifiably crazy people.

Clint recognized that. His department and the Guidance department were mockingly titled the HR department because due to their duties, they spent the most time with humans out of all the departments and that usually made them a little… off.

“Anyways,” Clint waved his hand in a lackadaisical manner, “Don’t tell anyone this, but when the massacre finally happens, I’m going to have the highest body count because I have a list of exactly who I’m going to go after,” he said in a dark manner, “Event though I still haven’t figured the order out yet, but I’m sure that no matter what order I go in revenge is going to be sweet and it will have made all of these worth it.”

After having the guy shoot arrows at him from his spot in the tree, which wasn’t exactly easy in the first place but the guy managed to have pretty good accuracy despite the mitigating factors, Bucky was pretty sure that he wasn’t bluffing with his threats. If Bucky didn’t have all his particular training, he’d be getting the fuck away from this guy. But since he did, he was sticking around. He was interested in how this story would end. If nothing else, it would make an interesting retell sometime in the future.

“Because while my department is made up of mainly assholes, they’re also idiots. Idiot assholes. And that’s coming from me, and I don’t exactly count as the best and brightest of them, and I ain’t exactly the nicest person either. But I’m up there. Somewhere on the list at least. The thing is that you’d think that after doing this job for so long these mofos would understand that not everything could be accounted for, because humans are nothing if unpredictable, but noooooooo. These assholes want to stick with ‘calculations and measured variables’ instead of looking with their goddamn eyes and just applying some goddamn common sense, which is how we got to today.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not exactly finished because I'm working out some kinks, but the entire story should be published within the week. I wanted to at least get the scene I wrote for Sealcat's piece out there.


End file.
